Project Moi

I’m devoting the next 3 weeks to entirely what I want. It’s “Project Moi“, which sounds so much more inviting and tantalizing than the English translation. It’s amazing what one word can do.  A little je ne sais quoi.

It started with an invitation from Melani Marx to participate in “Putting Yourself First”, a 21 day on-line gathering. The purpose? To put myself first.

Now, if you know me, you realize that on a logical, practical level, it should be very easy to put myself first. After all, I do not have children, or a partner, or much in the way of family nearby. I also do not have a job. These are often the things mentioned when people, particularly women, say they do not have time for themselves.

For me, time is not an issue. Time is something I have in abundance.

I  spend a lot of that time alone. So me thinks, am I not already doing this?

The answer: No. My time slips between my fingers, and the amount of time in which I would describe as “putting myself first” would be far less than more.

It comes down to focus. Where do I place my attention? (Doesn’t it always?!!!)  For the next 3 weeks, my attention is on myself. I have actually tried to do this with other parameters twice before. Twice before, a family emergency took me away from creating this space. Third time is a charm!!

Apart from focus, the idea of putting myself first when I am the only thing I have, means I have to, at some level, believe that this is something worth doing. That I am worth it. That I am worth making a conscious choice to put myself first.

My mind is playing badminton with this idea. Back and forth, back and forth. Silliness! At last! Ridiculous! At last! And my mind’s personal default positon, “Why bother?”

Why bother? Because. Because. Because, I need to be at the top of my own list. I seriously want to  be at the top of someone’s list!!  I know that in the ways of the universe, waiting for someone else to give you what you want is a path to disappointment and bitterness. The only way to have what I need and want is to  give myself the things that I want and need.

So, I’ve been playing with the idea and making a list of what draws me.

It is a list of wants, a list of possibilities. It is an absolutely “should free” list.

Here it is, so far:

Visit my mother. (I am surprised to see that there. I’m often compelled by guilt to go and see her. But I am longing to see my mom. Wow. Tears.)

Swim – and not just in the Wellness Centre pool, as nice as it is. I’m going to find some real water. Water that flows, and glistens, and supports life. And is outside. You could come.

Hang out with some friends. Tea, coffee, swim, sit under a tree.

Walk – in nice places, which may include around my block, but more likely means I will take myself to a trail or water.

Meditate (I’m told it takes 21 days to create a new habit. This is one which has been nibbling at my heels for forever. I am trying again.)

Music – Melody Gardot is playing right now. Peterborough Folk Festival. Markham Jazz Festival. Shelter Valley Folk Festival.

Play….. clown, art, children, ukulele, bubbles, children with bubbles. Whatever calls in the moment.

Stretch, lay on the floor while listening to Melody Gardot.

Serve Yourself First with Melani.

Eat things I love. Usually I don’t eat things I love. I get hungry and I don’t have anything I love, so I eat to remove the hunger. Or, and this is more often….. I just stuff food in to replace whatever is missing. This does not usually mean carrot sticks. It often means chocolate, but I don’t necessarily or usually enjoy it. I eat healthy stuff because I “should”. I don’t take time to make things that really, really appeal to me. There are things that I love when I eat out, but have never made myself. But I’ve been looking on-line and I am ready. The list includes:  Kris Carr‘s Make Juice Not War Green Drink, beet feta quinoa salad; goi cuon/nime chow (fresh Vietnamese salad rolls) , chicken satay with  peanut sauce; broccoli and potato samosas; black bean, quinoa and red pepper salad with honey-lime vinaigrette. There  might or might not be a gluten-free version of Chocolate Nutella Bread Pudding made in a slow cooker. Most of these recipes you can find at Perfect Pantry or Gluten-free Goddess. Excuse me, I’m salivating.

Artist play dates. I have not been to a movie by myself in donkey’s years. I feel “The Help” calling. I can take myself to the art gallery.There are a couple of Asian groceries downtown that I have never spent time in. I can take myself into Toronto for some things I’ve been waiting to do with someone else.  Little Inda is always calling. Kensington Market, it has been a loooonnnng time since I’ve paid a you a visit.

So will I cancel my hair appointment on Wednesday? I cancelled the last one because my hair didn’t grow much; I didn’t need a cut. I still don’t. But I feel like I “should” go because I cancelled last time, and maybe she’ll be all pissy with me.  I think you know the answer.

What are you doing to put yourself first? I’d love to know.

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8 Responses to Project Moi

  1. Janice says:

    Hey Deb
    When I thought of this question of putting my self first I actually came up with cutting back more branches of my way too big maple tree in the back yard which kind of surprised me and then again it didn’t. I have been spending the last week working away at trimming back branches. The back yard had become awfully dark which had been fine for the last few years but this year it seems oppressive. I’ve borrowed great tools…saws on poles really and I have 13 bags of branches and leaves ready for the curb on Thursday. Today I will go out and do more. It is time to prune and let the light in and I am so enjoying it all. I will take the dog for a hair cut today, and what does that have to do with me you might think well…he won’t stink like he does right now so I will enjoy him so much more when he insists on sitting on my lap or curling up next to me in bed every morning. And now for the “piece de resistance”( that is suppose to be my bit of french in all of this)…I am off to the Sally Ann to buy myself the most beautiful accordion. It is not too big and not too small. It is black with tiny jewels on the front and amazing scroll work on the side and beautiful white buttons on the side panel. It is in a black case with blue velvet lining and I just fell in love with it last night but then there was the price and I just couldn’t justify it and then I thought…I picked blue berries on the weekend up in Sudbury with my mother and my two daughters and I didn’t have to buy them on the road so I saved a wack of money…enough to buy this accordion for my clown Lucy who is coming to visit you in Peterborough in the fall. Whew that was a mouth full!! do you think I can learn to play a song or a melody by then? I am so excited.

    • Deb Reynolds says:

      Janice! I am soooooo excited for you about the accordion! Holy Toledo, Batman!! That is fantastic! And I confess to being slightly jealous, but only in the nicest way. I can’t wait to meet Lucy (who I’ve never heard of btw; how could that be?). She and Flora can play a duet: accordion and ukulele in the park. Let’s think of a few tunes we can work on. What will Lois do? Sing?
      I love the idea of cutting back to let in more light. Love it. And a sweet smelling dog? Surely as good as anything else we can do for ourselves!
      Looking forward to your visit. Let’s plan a date before too long.

  2. Melani Marx says:

    I am so delighted to be a part pf your Project Moi.
    I can so relate to what you’ve written here.
    Today, I am cleaning up little chores that will make me happy, happy to have off my plate.
    I am spending some time writing, and I love that!
    And I am eating wonderful food today!
    Thanks for asking!

    • Deb Reynolds says:

      Melani: I’m looking forward to what is to come. I made a wonderful smoothie just now – spinach, beet, lemon, ginger, pear, a few raspberries, a dollop of almond butter and coconut water. ..I’ve never made anything like that before. It was yummy! It was a conscious choice to do something nourishing for myself. You know how projects start off with lots of steam and then kind of wither after a while. Well…… Project Moi had a great day 1, not so great day 2 and 3 in some ways…. but, making singular choices like this smoothie, the choice to meditate this am before leaving my bed, and making a tasty dinner last night tell me that I’m more on the path than off. And there are surprises in store, no doubt!

  3. Janice says:

    The sun is out I woke up in a bad mood and then your blog post was in my mail box this morning and it made me smile at the smiling photo booth pictures. Then I went on to read your comments here so I just thought I would wish you a wonderful project moi today!!! I went to see the Fellini movie “Clowns” last night. After it started it I realized I had seen it before and had forgotten…ah ain’t age great! Looking forward to clowning around soon!! : O }

  4. Donna Parker says:

    Hi! Melani!
    My name is Donna, I am Laurie’s friend- sister : ) she’s been telling me about you , good things of course LOL. I was very interested in what the horses had to say…I love Horses! Their freedom & spirit. I am very envious of this … I love to fly!! in any sense of the word …. Um.. not drugs LOL I forget you don’t know me : ) Well I have to get going I just wanted to say I like your writing & photos.
    Well Later Tater : ) Donna P

    • Deb Reynolds says:

      Hey Donna
      Great to have you drop by! I just wanted to mention that, um, well, this isn’t Melani’s blog. I’d love to have you stay, but if you decide not to, no worries. Happy flying!!! 🙂

  5. Donna Parker says:

    Oh Ok sorry : ) new to this!! : )

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