I confess. I often don’t answer when someone knocks on the front door.
It is usually someone selling something… a new water heater, m’am? Perhaps you’d like to show me your personal billing information so I can help you save money. Yah. Sure. Sometimes it is neighbourhood children looking for sponsorship for this or that….. which I have no trouble with. Sometimes it is a friend dropping by. The problem is, I have no real way of knowing who it is until I open the door. (There is a screen door betwixt moi and them, so if your safety hackles went up for a sec, take a breath.)
Why did I answer today? I had to scurry to put on a bra, so there’s excuse enough not to bother. Kermit barked, but ever so lightly as if to call my attention to the knocking, and then he stopped. That’s a signal about the energy of the person out there. I answered.
A woman was just heading down the front path towards the sidewalk. When she heard me open the door, she turned around. I had never seen her before.
She said, “My daughter and I walk and drive by your house all the time, and I wanted to tell you how much pleasure and beauty you give the world by sharing your garden with us.”
Wow. Somebody drove to my house, got out of their car, knocked on my door… all to say thank you for the sunflowers that grow magically on my front yard. (I haven’t planted any for 3 years. What is there comes up from seed from the year before.)
After picking up my jaw and thanking her, I explained that I had chosen to create my garden on the street so that others could enjoy it. My neighbourhood is not one where you see front lawns full of sunflowers and rudebeckia. It is pretty staid. Geranium and marigold land. I wanted to bring something beautiful for people to look at. In previous years, I have also planted herbs , lettuce and tiny tomatoes along the edge so that folks could take a sniff and a nibble on their journey to work or school or to grandma’s house for cookies. I don’t know if many have, but when I’ve been outside working, I have made lots of offers. I have had conversations with neighbourhood kids who were surprised to learn that you could pick tomatoes right off a plant and eat them. Now, my city is not that large. And it is surrounded by agricultural land. And here were children who had never eaten a tomato straight from a plant. Alas, no tomatoes this year, girls! One should not plant tomatoes in the same spot for more than 2 years due to disease issues.
This too was part of my conversation with the angel. She asked permission to use pictures of “my” sunflowers on her upcoming blog which will be about…. angels. She told me I was an angel for offering such beauty to the world. “You’ll never know the lives you’ve touched.”
Her 12 year old daughter was with her. I offered them some cut flowers to take along with them.
There’s a new relationship because I answered the knock on the door. Does that mean I will always answer? No, not likely. But I wonder if there was a connection between the conference call I was on the previous night. It was the start of “Put Yourself First”, with Melani Marx. As we introduced ourselves on the call and stated our intentions, the notion of “worthiness” kept reappearing. I had written specific intentions about moving my body and nourishing myself and embracing joy. Truth be told, I’ve set those intentions before. (This probably does not come as a surprise.) However behind all of the intentions, lies my default position, “why bother?” or its other version, “who cares”. And when “why bother/who cares?” is distilled down to its essential belief, it is about worthiness. Somewhere, on some level, I do not believe I am worthy. My head says, “Of course you are!” My choices say something different.
I know we have to keep making choices over and over again. I know it is one day at a time. I know we choose our beliefs. But somewhere in there, I think there’s a little room for magic. Last night I asked for a shift in my beliefs about my own worthiness. Through the energy work that Melani facilitated and the meditation she offered, as a group and as individuals we opened to what is possible.
This morning, there was an angel on my doorstep. An angel who thanked me for being in the world.
How’s that for a little “power of the universe” action, eh? I’ll take it. And say “thank you”.