Choosing What Is

Meadow DeVor posed this question on Facebook:

If you could give yourself one thing for Christmas – what would it be?

My immediate response?  An iPad 2.

With an apple green protective cover. Please.

I don’t think that’s what she meant though. And I’m sure I don’t need to explain it to you.

So, what would I give myself if I could give myself one thing?

I could go big, and say “health”. That would be good.

A bit smaller, but still big and still good would be “energy”.

I’m thinking that Meadow meant the answer would go beyond my ability to deliver.

But I’ve done that a million times or more. And while I appreciate the value of dreaming big, it doesn’t seem right for me this time around. Not delivering is a pattern I want to shine a little light on.

So what can I give myself that I can deliver?

Kindness. Compassion. Understanding.

When I cancel out on friends at the last minute, what do I want from them?  What do I need from myself? Kindness

When I break a commitment, when I do not follow through on what I said I would do, when I don’t do what I think I should be doing, what do I want from myself?

Kindness. Compassion. Understanding.

We do the best we can. Sometimes our best is not what we would like. But it is what is.

In the poem, In this passing moment, Shodo Harada Roshi writes

I vow to choose what is:
If there is cost, I choose to pay.
If there is need, I choose to give.
If there is pain, I choose to feel.
If there is sorrow, I choose to grieve.
When burning — I choose heat.
When calm — I choose peace.
When starving — I choose hunger.
When happy — I choose joy.
Whom I encounter, I choose to meet.
What I shoulder, I choose to bear.
When it is my death, I choose to die.
Where this takes me, I choose to go.
Being with what is — I respond to what is.

And that needs to be enough. Because it is.

photo from here